How to Remember Names
Introduction
Have you ever met someone and immediately forgotten their name? Perhaps, you’ve interacted with them in various social contexts for weeks, months, or even years. When you walk by them, you smile and give your nod, or say “Hey!” But, in reality, you don’t know their name and feel too embarrassed to ask for a reminder. Has this ever happened to you? Well, it has happened to me. Over the years, I sought to overcome this problem. What I have discovered is that remembering names is a skill that we can develop through practice and the use of technique. In today’s post, I will be sharing a guide on how to remember names and to keep them in our long-term memory.
Intentionality and Cultivating Attention
First and foremost, we must become more intentional. Every time you go to a gathering, I recommend setting a goal and saying to yourself, “I will remember the name of every person that I meet today.” Often forgetting a person’s name is not due to a bad memory, but to the lack of attention. We are simply not listening. In other words, we can’t hold onto something that we never received in the first place. Sometimes when we meet someone, we can be more focused on what is going on around us or what we are about to say next. As a result, we don’t actually hear their name. We ask ourselves, “Was it ‘Brenda’ or ‘Briena’?
Or sometimes we say to ourselves, “I can’t possibly remember the name of 6-10 people in a row, so why bother trying?” Or “Well maybe, I can remember 1 or 2 names”, but every name, “surely that is not possible,” we say. This is where we have to change our way of thinking. You have to go to the gathering with the intent of remembering the name of every person that you meet. Even if you don’t remember them all, this small act of intentionality and goal setting will help you to become more attentive.
Immediately Rehearse their Name
After you meet someone, when there is a period of silence, rehearse their name in your head a couple of times. Focus on the accuracy of the pronunciation and make sure to not confuse it with similar sounding names. Make mental notes that it is “ti-E-nna” and not “ti-A-nna” or that it is Frank and not Frankie. This is helpful because small pronunciation details can fade away over time and be hard to retrieve later.
Then look around the room and test your memory through review, “He is Brian, she is Kim, that is Luke, she is Shirley, and so on” If you happen to draw a blank on someone during your review or unsure of its pronunciation, before you leave, ask them to give you a reminder. It is important to remember their name correctly. You do not want to leave with uncertainty.
Use Associations
Create Images for Prominent Facial Features
One approach that many memory experts teach is that you should create an image for a person’s name and attach it to a prominent facial feature. For example, if there name is Anthony, you can create an image out of their name. Anthony sounds like “Ant,” so they could be the image for his name. Then if he had a large nose, you can imagine Anthony sneezing out hundreds of ants. If you were to meet him again, you will notice the prominent feature on his face, and then be reminded of the ants. Then we you think of ants, your mind goes, “Ah, Ants is for Anthony. He is Anthony!”
Do They Remind You of Anyone?
Does the person have the same name as a person that you already know? If so, try to find similarities between the two and form some kind of relationship. If you know a Matt that is tall, and you meet Matt that is also tall, you can say to yourself, “He is tall like the other Matt that I know.” This may seem simple, but all you need is one hint and it will aid your memory to recall someone’s name. If you met a person named Logan who is muscular, perhaps you can be reminded of Logan (Hugh Jackman) from the movie the Wolverine who is also muscular. Try to make a connection. Do not think hard, just use the first thing that immediately comes to your mind.
Interaction and the Meaning of Names
Try to interact with their name and create more networks of knowledge. Ask them what their name means. My name is Ronald, which means “ruler’s counselor.” Try to find out an interesting fact about their name. If there name starts with an E, perhaps all the women’s name in their family starts with an E. My father, grandfather, cousin, and uncle’s name all start with the letter R. Try to engage with their name and take interest in them as a person. This will help you to remember it more easily.
Flashcards and Spaced Repetition Systems
We do not have a bad memory. If we forget a name, it is mostly due to the fact that we have not reviewed them. If you want to remember something, you have to review it. There are spaced repetition systems (SRS) such as Anki, a flashcard app that helps you review. It is a program that intelligently predicts when you are likely to forget a piece of information, so when you are just about to forget, it tests your recall. For example, if you have 500 names stored in your flashcard deck, you will not see all 500 names in one day for review. It will only present the flashcards in which you had the most difficulty remembering and names that you need a refresher on. In other words, it will remind you of a name when you are just about to forget it in order to help consolidate it in your long-term memory.
How to Use Anki for Remembering Names
Installation
Visit the Anki website and download the latest free desktop version that is compatible with your computer (Windows, Mac, or Linux). There is an iOS application for Anki that can be purchased for $24.99 in the app store. I think it is worth the price because you can review your flashcards whenever you are waiting somewhere. There is also a third-party Android app, AnkiDroid, which is available for free in Google Play.
When you open up Anki you will see a list of “Decks”, which means a set of digital flashcards. You will initially have a “Default” deck. You can edit and change the Default name to “Names.” Or you can select, “Create a Deck” to create a new set of flashcards it “Names”
Creating Name Flashcards
Click on your “Names” deck and select, “Add”. On the “Front” card field write the name of the person you want to remember and the place you that met them or some fact about that. For example, something like “Kirsten - [2023 Christmas Dinner]” or “Ed - [My co-workers’ father]” You add the name and you want to be reminded about something related to them. The more connections that you can make to the name, the easier it will be to recall later.
You can leave the “Back” field blank or you can add some additional information about them such as “from Virginia, construction engineer, or enjoys hiking.” Then create a hashtag in the “Tags” field that contains the name of place in which you all met. This is helpful because sometimes you may go to another gathering and see the person that you met before again, but have difficulty remembering their name. In this case, if you are using the mobile version, you can search your Anki deck under “Browse” and filter it by that tag, and it will display a list of names of those that you met at particular gathering.
How to Review Names
Test Yourself
Once you enter the names into your deck, it will present flashcards for you to review. If you had difficulty recalling the name, select “Again.” If it was somewhat difficult recalling the name, select “Hard.” If you it was relatively easy recalling their name, select “Good”; however, if it was very easy you, select “Easy.”
By selecting these four categories during your view, you are providing feedback to the program. It will determine, how frequently each name should be presented to you in order to help you retain them in your long-term memory.
Visualize their Face
Just as a personal trainer would instruct their clients to lift weights a certain way and to have proper form in order to make gains, there is a proper technique for reviewing. When you see the name, try to visualize their face with as much detail as you possibly can and see them in the location in which you met them. This means that when you are meeting people, pay attention to their face and what it looks it. This is an important part because sometimes similar faces can appear the same to us and we may associate the wrong name to a face.
Immediately Add Names to Your Deck
When you leave a gathering, add names to your Anki deck as soon as possible. Do not wait an hour after, or a day after, it is better to make it habit to enter them immediately. There is a possibility that you may forget their name even with the use of mnemonics. I have made this a rule, that whenever I leave an event and enter my car, I enter names into my Anki deck.
Review Consistently
Make sure to review your flashcards consistently. Do not let them pile up, otherwise, you can have up to 40-50 names to review in one day instead of 5-10. Reviewing is not a very long process, it should take 1-2 minutes. What I like to do is to create a habit based on a daily routine. I go to work Monday-Friday, so my routine is that while I’m sitting in the parking lot, before I open my car door to head to work, I review names for 1-2 minutes. You can choose whatever time works best for you, such as [after breakfast, I will briefly review names in my Anki deck].
It is Natural to Forget
If there is one message that I would like to emphasize in this post, it is this: “Don’t feel bad for forgetting a name.” It is natural. I forget names. Even Alex Mullen, a world memory champion forgets names, and needs to review them in Anki. Also, we shouldn’t make others feel bad for not remembering our name.
Help Each Other Out
When you introduce yourself, try to make your name more memorable. If your name is “Will”, you can say something like, “Will as in [insert association].” Or during the conversation, you can share something interesting about your name: “Yea, my name is ‘Ronald’, in fact, all the male name’s in my family starts with the letter ‘R.’” By sharing details about your name, you are helping the other person build connections that will aid them in recall. This may also lead them to share an interesting fact about their name as well. Even if you remember their name, before you leave, you can say something like, “Chris, right?” This may lead them to recognize that they may need a refresher as well and say, “Yea, Chris. Can you remind me of yours again?”
RECOMMENDED VIDEOS FOR FURTHER STUDY
MEMORY TRAINING SOFTWARE
If you would like to train the speed by which you are able to create associations for names, I recommend training on the Memory League software. Watch Nelson Dellis’ second video I listed above, and observe how he trains in the Names discipline. Training is not necessary for remembering names, but it can be helpful if you happen to meet 6-10 people back-to-back. Training ultimately helps you to trust in your memory and intuition. We often think “too hard” to create the perfect association, but through practice you will see what types of associations work best for you.
https://memoryleague.com/#!/train
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So helpful! I hope I can remember this! 😆